I'm not allowed to kiss my mail carrier anymore, as stated in the TRO.

This was me on Monday before the mail arrived.

Before the mail arrived on Monday I was sad because I did not have a tiara. No. Not one. I had a bicycle and a yo-yo and 47 bags, all in varying size, fabric, and compartment configurations, and once I even had a desert tortoise named Clyde (until he dug a hole beneath our garden fence and went on the lam, but that's another blog altogether, really), but I've never, ever had a tiara. No. Not one. Never.

I was very, very sad.

This was me on Monday after the mail arrived.

On Monday I received Twizzle mail. If you don't know what it's like to receive Twizzle mail, I can report that Twizzle mail is the very best sort of mail to receive. Do you see my beautiful new tiara?

"Oh, Mags!" you exclaim. "But, is it really flashing?"

Yes, it is. It really is flashing. And those are genuine pink feathers from a genuine Barbie-pink bird you see there. And the plastic faux gemstones are authentic plastic faux gemstones.

My neighbors are all extremely envious. I know this because whenever I go out to pick up the paper now, or to take out the trash in my flashing tiara with the genuine pink feathers and authentic plastic faux gemstones they stare at me uncensored. I don't hold that against them. It's quite a looker.

This was me on Friday before the mail arrived.

My tiara and I spent many long, happy hours gazing at one another in the mirror and complementing ourselves on any number of things throughout the week. It was a pretty good use of our time, we decided, and we've become remarkably good at it.

Nonetheless, by Friday my tiara and I had begun to be troubled by a vague sense that perhaps there was something still missing from our days. We'd grown outrageously vain and superficial during our week of mutual admiration and self-congratulation, so it seemed unreasonable to us that we'd be troubled by this alien notion that we should be reaching for goals loftier than our fearless attempt to get the three colored lights embedded in the sparkling plastic diamonds to all flash at the same time. Sigh.

This was me on Friday after the mail arrived.

On Friday I received Rebecca Burgess mail. If you don't know what it's like to receive Rebecca Burgess mail, I can report that Rebecca Burgess mail is the other very best sort of mail to receive.

The package that made up my Rebecca Burgess mail contained my very own copy of her brand new book A Better Life, which I now have the honor of reading and then blogging a review of, just for all of you!

I can't wait!

Here's something good to know. If you're sitting outside on your front porch in your flashing tiara with the genuine pink feathers and authentic plastic faux gemstones, your neighbors will think you're MUCH less vapid if you're reading a smart looking book at the time.